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I'm really excited about this blog thing! I love writing, but it's usually in my journal and I haven't even done that in a couple of months. It's just really great to have a friend to talk to, ya know? Okay, that's weird!

Anyway, I must say that I'm also excited about the things God has put into my heart. I feel like he's stirring up the desires in me that I allowed to be buried for awhile. My heart gets harder when I can't see God working in my life...and frankly, I become a crazy monster beast--not quite, but kind of :) Gosh, what kind of person would I be if it wasn't for Jesus? It's seriously scary for me to consider! I'm very thankful that he always reaches out to me in the dark places. And it's been dark. Partly my own doing. When he comes first in my life, I still feel pain, but it's comforted with his love...when I look away for a day, a week or a month, it hurts so much worse.I'm a dummy for not choosing him always! It's a constant turning away from myself to him. Not ignoring what I feel, but choosing who to run to! Um...the stronger one....hence, not me!

Yeah that's a good realization. Too bad I'm still learning it. I knew there would be a hard phase coming. God prepared me for it. But he reminds me he has not forgotten about me every so often...usually in the middle of the night when my heart is calm I'm able to hear better.

Good night people :)